Life at the moment

Briefly i have been workin for windsor plywood for over a month now. Zac joined and we finally got a chance to chat. everything in life seems okay. i need to talk to aunt Cathy. greenhouse should be done by the end of the month. my upcoming experience for KRG is a big deal. i wan to chant many hours before so i can break through and deliver something worthwhile. it may be easy if o wrote a good script. my life starts in 94 in Vancouver. my parents met by mutual friends in buddhism. my mum chanted a lot and we attended many meetings, fondly remembering Naito's in Stn. square Burnaby. chess, lego, green tea and cakes+ birthday celebrations and good energy. moving to saltspring. distance from Buddhism, still attrnd meetings regularly. i did not grasp the potential of practice pr study to create positive change on my life. my brothers faith became strong in highschool and i witnessed it. but attribute it to his strength, not realizing i could have the zame faith. wen he died of course i could only chant, for a lon time. i realized i needed to do something to busy my body and mind. i got a concrete job and got physically stronger. my faith regressed at this point and i devoted less time to practice. i remember the times fondly in my first autumn without Justin, who loved autumn. the times when my faith was bold and i went to mens conference at Caledon, making surely to meet every man and talk to each one. i would chant extra at each opportunity for hours. but that was the past and recently. i have been feeling happier and more regular. my life condition has improved in sometimes seemingly intangible ways. the welcoming that i recieve from the people who work with me at Windsor is always good. three important people left after i joined, including 2 drivers so i have been delivering, a fairly simple job that puts me in contact with many types of people and shows me parts of the island. it gives me eyes into the world of home building on SaltSpring as we supply almost every contractor. my Toso that has been 5days a week , 30 minutes 630-7 has been the source of confidence and happiness. last year i wanted somechange and i knew chanting was the medicine that could achieve it . instead of periodic flashes of strong Faith in the past, where I would chant a lot once and not again for awhile, i wanted consistent faith, so i could introduce others from the perspective of a consistent practioner of Nichiren Buddhism.I am really sure nowthat the Gohonzon has the plan for my life. after everythin

Today was a day of rest. There were ups and downs and frustrations, but overall I feel positive about it, though I did little besides rest, read, (and chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo). It was an important day because I made real decisions, and I want to keep the momentum of this day for the future. A good rest can help with making choices/new directions in life, by taking a step back from the daily grind. When engaged with daily moment-to-moment existence, the future can be hard to fathom. I felt "getting into a groove" is very important now, as Spring is basically just around the corner. And I always like to be prepared for Spring. I wrote Kevin Maloney to tell that I wouldn't be able to accept the position in Victoria right now. The reason is because it is fairly clear that my life on Saltspring needs me more for various reasons. I am spending my time chanting, reading and gaining the energy which will guide my life in the future. There are certain opportunities that I won't want to miss out on; I have the opportunity to assemble a brand new 20x30' arch greenhouse on family land. Maintaining a presence here could be important for saving and using the properties. Having a good and regular income is important. Sometimes I feel there is too much work for one person, with managing family affairs and assets which already seem behind. If I see a future on this little island I must be making a decent income. It will take time to establish. During winter when natures landscape is barren the properties seem especially derelict, and when my energy is low I can't see any solution by my own hands. But really it is up to me, and the energy that I can muster, which will now decide my future. A

Yesterday was a good time, Masami and I went to Sidney together and ate at Fish on 5th. Afterwards we looked around Sidney's waterfront and checked out the town together.

I had a day of rest and took it easy today. It's hard to imagine the future yet. I feel like there are some challenges ahead, but if I could overcome them, could open the door to a very positive future for my life. I realized that some of the dry maple I was selling was spalted! And too good to be firewood. I will be trying to sell turning blanks (12"x12"x6" pieces of the maple) to woodworkers. I realized I have some dry balsam fir that would make better firewood, and once I get it down and bucked up I will be selling firewood again but for now I took the ad down. I thought about making paddles and finishing the doors, but didn't get very far and instead I took Molson for a long walk to town and back, picking up some grapefruit juice for myself and beef hearts for Molson.

Saturday Morning 4am

I woke up and checked the time... 4am. I remembered that I went to bed early so I could get up early. And finish loading my truck with firewood for an 830am delivery. This will be the 10th load that Ive sold in the last 2 weeks. I am proud that I could generate some money, but really, my ambitions are much more expensive than I can afford with this method of income. I need a business which requires less physical input. I have something in mind- woodworking of some kind. I have full use of my great-grandfather's shop and could turn out some paddles and oars this winter, although I always found the process to be tedious. I was given the idea for using a solder-iron to burn text into the paddle, such as a name, and could offer this within the business. I will be joining a 7am discussion meeting with some fellow SGI Buddhist members after making my second coffee... Good morning. A A